This Endless Moment presents a simple, direct, and clear secret for unlocking your full potential.
This Endless Moment is a guide to discovering:
ways to enter the peace and contentment of “full bore” living
Eastern approaches to presence and focus
tools for deepening your relationships, having great sexual experiences, and
how to live with passion, curiosity and excitement!
You will learn to:
have a rich, full and meaningful life.
have the deep and intimate relationship you have dreamed of.
To begin with, there are two things you need to know.
First and foremost, no matter how difficult your life has been up until now, you can turn things around!
Knowing how to have a strong, clear, meaning-packed life is not automatic – but it can be learned!
Second, you can learn: how to live your life with deep richness and full passion – truly another way of being.
You will discover another, positive, self-caring and self-affirming way of living your life.
Most people who read this book: are intelligent. have a career that you value, and are sensing some “burnout.” are not in a happy relationship, and feel unfulfilled, scattered, confused. were told that if they had a career, and a family, and followed the rules,they would be successful, content, and happy. However… they do not feel successful. They feel deep disappointment. were told that doing what everyone else was doing would lead to a contented life. However… they do not feel contented. They feel bored, unfulfilled and confused. done all the right things, and have gotten all the “wrong things” in return.
It’s the feeling of “stuck and not sure what to do next.”
There is a solution. This Endless Moment is filled with cutting edge approaches to living a fulfilled, enlightened and passionate life! This Endless Moment is a guide to creating new, exciting ways to live life and to make responsible decisions…
Review
Wayne Allen has taken important complex concepts and has expressed them in an accessible and practical way. His very personal approach is remarkable. This is an excellent, readable book. We’re impressed!
~ Bennet Wong & Jock McKeen Co-founders, The Haven Institute
Review
It spoke to me. Cleared things up. A good author.
OK, this one spoke to me. As much or more than the other Wayne Allen book I had purchased and read (the one about the Buddha Hall).
The thing is, I was well on the way to figuring out myself in relation to my life. Or so I thought.
Like living my life dealing with the cards I’m dealt. And like making no demands that others be different than they are.
Some of the conclusions I had reached were confirmed in this book. Enough so I identified with it. Then, it proceeded to inform me about how much more there is to know.
A lot.
Like the fact that nothing means anything intrinsically. Which means blaming is entirely subjective. Things like that.
And that there really is nothing about me that is broken or needs fixing.
Now, I am lots further on the way to figuring out myself in relation to my life.
Thank you, Mr. Allen. A wonderful book you wrote.
~ Will Bontrager
Review
Author and psychotherapist Wayne Allen spent nearly two years writing This Endless Moment. The purpose of this book is to help people change their lives for the better. This Zen-ish style book is well-written and is filled with many significant insights that will give you a more clear picture of who you are and how to get what you want from life.
The tone is casual, sprinkled with humour, and full of lessons you’ll wish you knew long ago.
I’ve learned from it, and anytime a book teaches you at least one worthwhile thing you didn’t know, it is well worth the price. You’ll get your money’s worth.
~ Dennis “Boogie Jack” Gaskill
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You Can’t Have It All: The Perils of Entitlement
This is another one of those, “Yeah, I know that” points that most of us, in fact, resist. In other words, we agree in principle that “we” can’t, but “I” assume that “I” can.
Believe it or not, the idea of entitlement is a recent phenomenon. Honestly striving for success, on the other hand, is a cornerstone of the West. To use an American analogy, there’s always been a belief in the Horace Greeley / Horatio Alger myth: “If I ‘go West,’ I’ll conquer the world, turning rags-to-riches.” We’ll leave aside the part about killing any non-white person in the way. Pretty much all of us in North America “got here” because our forebears believed this idea.
I believe it too. Hard work, much more often than not, pays off. Education, more often than not, pays off. Focus and commitment… well, you get it.
Where all of this ran off the rails was after the Second World War. From out of the depths of despair that was the “dirty thirties,” the trenches, and the return to “normalcy,” came the stunning idea that the American Dream was there for the receiving. (Notice I didn’t “earning.”)
Entitlement replaced honest toil and striving. We saw the myth played out on television shows like Father Knows Best. I’m old enough to remember watching that show—the mischievous kids, who got into trouble, took their issues to Dad, watched him light his pipe and spout wisdom and smoke in equal measure. Mom would flit in, crinoline crinkling, with a cup of coffee, and a “Now, dear … ‚” and offer her two cents worth. Successful in business, happily married, and the perfect parent of exactly one boy, one girl, both “just great!”
Yowzer!
You see, a seed was being planted in the collective psyche. Because of the wealth and the jobs that were available after the war, it seemed that indeed everything was possible. We saw this fictionalized family and thought it was real. A couple of generations of us thought it was our right to be successful in all arenas.
We tried to have it all. There was an immediate time crunch, so we threw “stuff ” at our spouses and kids, to make up for the lack of communication and “face time.” What we created was the monster we may never be able to kill—entitlement.
The children growing up in this mess did not know hardship, although the parents experienced it. The parents were Depression babies or teens, and they had seen the other side. This was not going to happen to their kids!
Most parents, to this day, fear hardship for their children. I was watching Dr. Phil the other day. He was talking to a 27-year-old who was jobless, girlfriend-less, and living with his mommy. He spent his day playing the guitar.
Dr. Phil asked Mom (who would be a child of a child of the Depression) why she didn’t kick him out so he’d learn to stand on his own two feet.
She replied, “I don’t want him living under a bridge.”
Dr. Phil replied, “Better now than when he is 40!”
Son smirked throughout. He knows Mom isn’t going to kick his sorry ass out. Besides, he imagines that he has rights—her house is his house, and he’s entitled to sit on said ass and be looked after.
Dr. Phil suggested he spend a full working day looking for work.
Quoth Son, “You sound just like my mom!” Smirk.
I wanted to slap him across the face. I got so disgusted I turned off the set.
Entitlement is the expectation that I deserve to be given special treatment, and that I deserve to be given whatever I think I need. And even more deadly—that all of this is my birthright.
I can’t tell you how many clients have come in, totally frustrated, because “It’s not working out right!” They expected to be happy—happily married, with great children and a terrific career, cars, houses, stuff, and lots of free time to enjoy it. And, by God, it’s not happening! The kids have problems, the spouse is sleeping on the couch, work is a drag, the boss is a jerk, and the roof leaks on the mortgaged-to-the-hilt house.
Big sigh, pained look, and a shake of the head. Then, the head lifts, eyes lock on mine, and verbally or non-verbally I hear, “Fix it!”
Right.
You may have gathered that I think that the “fix,” such as it is, is persistent self-responsible behaviour. There is no magic cure, no course you can take, no book you can read (including this one!) that will “make it all better.” There is no “it” to make better. There is my life, and there are my choices. And one of the hardest ones is this: “What will I choose to focus on, this time around?”
There are not enough hours in the day to be successful at everything. People who put careers first will have issues in their marriages or with their children. Etcetera, etcetera. If I focus on self-development and self-knowing, other things will have to take a back seat.
It’s hard enough to learn to do any one of these options well, let alone have the expectation that all areas should work out, somehow with minimal effort. And yet, that’s what I hear. “I don’t want a hassle when I get home. I work hard. (S)he should understand and cut me slack.” And (s)he is thinking the same thing. And the kids, God bless ’em, having had stuff tossed at them out of guilt by under-involved parents, expect the world—and parents’ schedules—to revolve around them. Now, can you guess why, when the precious little dears become adults, they don’t want to move out, or if they do, expect to be looked after and coddled by their partner, their teachers, their boss?
The way out of this mess is to take a big step back. We have friends we consider excellent parents. Their 14-year-old skates. When she wants to do something else, they say, “Great! We’ll cancel the skating lessons, and you can do that!” She sighs and drops the new request, because she loves skating. They insist she focus and do well. Entitlement crashes on the floor in their house, regularly.
What a concept! Pick something and actually do it until you are proficient at it! Reward your children with your presence and involvement, as opposed to “stuff.” Spend daily, quality time with your significant other, in actual dialogue. Expect to look after yourself, not to be doted upon.
In short, get over yourself, get off your ass, and get a life. Happiness is not your right, and no one owes it to you, and… here it comes… it’s earned!
Or I guess you could go live with your mommy.
Review
A profoundly simple approach to life that even the most skeptical types would have trouble arguing. I enjoyed the matter-of-fact writing style, short chapters and ‘thought for the day’ anecdotes.
I was never bored with the content, thanks to your quirky sense of humour and your ability to always bring the reader back to the point of self-responsibility and ‘owning it’.
This book is great read for those who want to begin a new path but don’t have a clue how to begin, and equally great for those who believe they actually “know it all.“ A bit of hand-holding was a nice touch with the guide at the end to give the reader one less excuse to avoid making changes.
~ Katharine Phillips
Review
Wayne’s writings are a reminder to us that responsible living requires patience, effort, dedication, and care. His use of humour, stories and casualness throughout the text makes it feel like a conversation with a wise, gentle friend. The lessons might be tough but the rewards are … living fully.
I have finished your book and wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed it. I loved how it was so straight to the point — called it without creeping around — and so was able to cover an incredible amount in a short space. It really felt as if you were talking to me — and accepting no excuses, but with humour and compassion! I particularly liked the section on romance, love and compassion, which put things in a way that I’d not seen before and made SO much sense! I found the whole book refreshing after the psycho-babble and repetitive stuff I’ve read before.
It was also very thought — or rather action — provoking and was exactly the right thing for me right now. Thank you so much for writing it.
~ M. Reid
Review
I was teary this morning and in just such a crappy place feeling sorry for myself about something. I downloaded your book This Endless Moment and printed it off. By page 4 I was hooked, by page 12 I was chuckling and had a smile in my cheeks for the rest of the book–which I read in one sitting. Awesome, awesome, and SO perfect for where I am in my deconstruction process. I am a Havenite and will certainly take in your course in the future. Thanks for writing such an excellent book.
~With warmth, Ellen
Review
I have finished reading This Endless Moment. It’s the first round. I definitely will read it again. I enjoy reading your stories and examples.
Your book reinforces my belief about taking personal responsibility for anything that goes around in my life. Whatever has happened won’t change things and each one of us must think and act differently to expect different results.
I like this question. “Who are you today?” I’m going to start asking myself each night. Wonder how many roles I play each day.
Probably would ask some friends and see their “blank” reactions.
Sex and touching are two subjects that we usually don’t express openly in my culture and upbringing. But I’m glad that I am able to ask for hugs when I feel like having one. But I don’t always get one.
To sum it up for now, there’s so much to unlearn and relearn after reading your book. It makes me realized that I have not been reading and learning enough yet.
Thanks a lot, Wayne.
~ Fatimah Musa
Review
After reading your excerpts on the website I could hardly wait to receive it and begin my journey. This is a book I know I will read over again. It is a confirmation of what I have learned in therapy over the years and a great reminder. You had a review somewhere on the website that I read stating ” I heard your voice telling me this when I was with you in counselling”, and that has been my experience so far. I hear echoes of my mentors and therapist as I read. I want to thank you for writing your book and sharing your knowledge and experience on your website.
I am a constant visitor of the Phoenix Centre from home and work.
Thanks so much for being there!
~ Marilyn Beatty
Review
I purchased 2 copies of your printed book This Endless Moment before Xmas, and a friend is devouring it, as I did, and then passed it on. My most precious piece, was your suggestion about beginning to measure the progress of my life. Yes, I did that in my business, but not in other personal growth areas.
Also, thought I would mention how my thoughts were taking me down the self pity and anger road, so I came back to your book and your web pages. Amazing how my perspective changed, and how much better the rest of world is now! Thanks for saying like it is and putting the how to’s at the end of the book.
~ Jean Eyre
Review
Wayne has managed to capture aspects of human and relational dilemmas in succinct and often humorous ways. He is relentless with his objective that we own our responsibility for our selves rather than waiting for the “world” to provide-and blaming it when it doesn’t. I know Wayne as a man who lives the talk, except when he doesn’t — great laughs for both of us on such occasions.
This little book is packed with wisdom.
Of course it only works when practiced, rather than merely the reading of it.
Wayne Allen writes as he speaks and as he lives — with startlingly direct and challenging wisdom. He also teaches with great compassion. When he writes, for instance, “Have a breath and get over yourself,” he does so not flippantly or dismissively, but with the deep desire that we learn to live well and wholeheartedly.
This small, powerful book could change lives.
~ Lucy Reid, chaplain University of Guelph Guelph, Ontario, Canada
This Endless Moment is all about helping you to discover the breadth and depth of life that Susan has discovered.
This Endless Moment is a practical guide to living the kind of life you imagine for yourself.
You will discover:
5 ways to take ownership of your life and decisions
why it’s important to live continuously “in the moment,” as you let go of the past
3 ways to communicate effectively, deeply and intimately
how to figure out if it’s lust and love—and why this is vital for a great relationship
how to deepen your passion for life … and for your partner
tools and techniques to relieve tension and distraction
how the happiest people have found peace and contentment
ways to have an excellent, meaningful life
how to stop waiting and start living right now
how to embrace your uniqueness, and
how to be comfortable in your own skin
More comments and reviews!
Review
…Wayne Allen sent me one of his books to help me through my grieving.
It’s called “This Endless Moment” and confronts you with the stark reality that you decide what anything means in your life.
He says in his Zen-ish book, “Everything is a figment of your imagination.” I love the reminder. It puts the responsibility for your well-being where it belongs: Inside.
~ Dr. Joe Vitale
Review
I wanted to tell you that I thought your book was FANTASTIC. I devoured it and thought it was really one of the best things I’ve read in ages. I’d like to get 5 more copies for friends and family for Christmas.
Congratulations Wayne — I hope you are pleased. It says sooooo much in a concise, easy to read, humorous way. I just loved it. It was especially pleasing as I’ve heard the messages for years, and can just hear your voice and see your expressions. Thanks for giving me and others such a great gift.
~ Julie Redfern
This Endless Moment is “endlessly” direct and clear.
From the Preface -
Clients come in for therapy because something (or several somethings) isn’t working. Yet, on an entirely different level (and the point of this book)—the real issue is not what isn’t working. The real issue is that they don’t understand that solving their issue requires that they behave differently.
There is an internal battle going on in each of us, between the seductive siren song of staying stuck in the “way I’ve always done life” and the orderly discipline of doing things in another way.
Most people waste their lives doing everything they can think of to get others to do things differently. There is a considerable emotional investment in this effort. (Let me be clear about which effort we are talking about: the effort of trying to get the world to cooperate in making you happy. Now, “the world” can be a boss, a partner, one’s parents or kids, your friends… or even the person serving you a double fat-free latte.)
The first step toward wisdom is to understand that you can’t manipulate others or the world to make you happy.
In a sense, all that I ever “teach” clients (and all I ever remind myself) is this: I am responsible for me, and I am responsible for how I choose to approach my life. Nothing else is going on. This is such a simple point that it flies directly over the head of 95 per cent of the population.
You will learn the practicalities of living a full and rich life: Notice what would happen if we understood that the world actually is phenomenal, that it is a series of unconnected and non-meaningful events. We would have to admit that a thing is a thing is a thing, until we make meaning about it. To do this requires a leap in our understanding. The leap is summed up this way: the meaning I make about the essentially meaningless is meaningful only to me.
On relationships: In other words, healthy relationships are physically expressive relationships. If I am avoiding physical contact with my partner, I am in effect saying, “I refuse to make contact with you.” The refusal may seem to play out physically, but that simply represents what’s going on at all the other levels — emotionally, spiritually, and in the couple’s “couple-ness.”
On life: I’d like to suggest to you that life is meant to be an ongoing developmental project. This is a concept we accept at work — we “gladly” train and retrain, looking for improvements, efficiencies, other, newer, “better” ways to do things. I suspect we were meant to be on a similar walk in our personal lives, but somehow forgot.
Other thoughts: At the end of the day, this is the reality of life. We are born and die alone, and the rest of life is a solo job in a crowd. This is either terrifying or freeing. I’ll scare myself with it precisely to the degree that I refuse to accept responsibility for my life. I will free myself precisely to the degree that I allow myself the personal satisfaction of paddling just a little more efficiently and effortlessly each day.
And here is the point! In the end.. you’ll find yourself living out your life in a conscious, present, honest, and curious way. You’ll take what comes without judgment and decide what you choose to do next. You will be consistent and clear. And you will be that most unusual (yet not special) of all humans- a self-responsible person, engaged in living life to the fullest, while extending an invitation to others to join you in the paddle, the dance.
About the Author: Wayne C. Allen is known on the web as the Simple Zen Guy. Wayne was a Private Practice Counsellor in Ontario until June of 2013. Wayne is the author of five books, the latest being The. Best. Relationship. Ever.
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Themelis Cuiper’s SocialGarden Business videos about marketing & PR let me know about a bookmark to this webpage — you must be doing a beautiful job as he is pointing towards you?